fall in love mode : on .

huwaaaaaaaa~ gimana ini?? aku sukaaaaa diaaaaaaa beneraaaaaan x'(
God if we are meant to be please show us the way, but if we're not please just make him stay away from me and don't let him gives any expectations for me... :'(

he seems so far away ...

he's sooo kind. he's one in a million. he's the perfect one, I guess.
everybody says so...
and that just fades my hopes away :(

maybe I just expect too much hhe. who am I? I'm just an ordinary girl, there's no way he could pay attention on me, hiks.. sedangkan dia itu siapa? dia itu idola, dia baik sama semua orang, lagian banyaaaaaaaaak banget cewek yang suka ama dia :( orang yang aku kenal yang juga kenal dia itu nggak banyak, dan yang sejauh aku tau yang suka dia aja udah tiga orang lebih, gimana mau yang diluaran sana?
lagian pasti lebih banyak cewek yang lebih cantik; lebih baik dan lebih 'pas' buat dia.
so? am I wrong if I said that it's toooooo impossible ??

well... I don't know. harusnya aku suka aja tapi nggak usah berusaha, biar aku nggak kecewa gini. hahahahah.
Tuhan kenapa kau ciptakan orang sesempurna dia :(

sendiri itu gak enak.

I don't know what happened to me. I used to not give a damn about what I'm gonna to do when xmas come.
but this year is different. I don't wanna be alone. I just feel so sad when I found out that I have to go to church alone, no one is beside me...
it just... makes me wonder, what's the fuss all about?

this Christmas... is totally a blue Christmas for me.

God please help me out of this kind of feeling and let me feel the real meaning of Christmas... No matter with whom I'll be going, or celebrate, whether I'm all alone or not...

it's xmas eve :')

and I'm all alone.

oh, no. I'm not alone.
Jesus is beside me as always... :')

happy Christmas world :)

cloud don't stay too far please :)

I just realized that last friday was the last day I saw my cloud in this year. I gotta see him again in the next three weeks, huks... :(

but today quite nice actually. just by a simple good morning, I talked a lot with him though we talked about something unimportant hhi... but still, I'm happy ! he has enlighten up my day today, totally.

thanks, my cloud. please, don't stay too far away from where I stand. I really wish u would be more reachable for me, coz it's plain to see, I WANT YOU SO BAD :(
please, don't be the meaning of impossibility :(

I want you. I want you, really.
God give me a way please... :)

so it's plain to see.. all I want for Christmas is you :)

thank God they found me :)

I just can't describe how I feel right now. When I already lost one, God gives me more. and BETTER.
welcome to my life, gurls. I love you till death. :)

I love this pic the most :D

I love my expression in this pic :p

such a cool tee ! it says "buanglah pacarmu pada tempatnya" :D

Little Wonders - Rob Thomas

Let it go,
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know
The hardest part is over

Let it in,
Let your clarity define you
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain

Let it slide,
Let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine
Until you feel it all around you
And i don't mind
If it's me you need to turn to
We'll get by,
It's the heart that really matters in the end

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain

All of my regret
Will wash away some how
But i can not forget
The way i feel right now

In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away but these small hours
These small hours, still remain,
Still remain
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These little wonders still remain

shady eyes. sweet smile. one longing : you .

well ...
I just don't know what to say :D


all that I know is ...
maybe I like him. a lot.
well, who doesn't ?


but guess what .. he's too high for me to reach.
so I just can look at him from the distance...


but I'm feeling like I'm a SHS student who's in love :)



I LIKE YOU SO MUCH, CLOUD .
and it feels so sad that I could see you in next three weeks ... :(

real friends vs. the fake one

I met a lot of people in my life. some of them had become my very very best friends until now, some of them left, and some of them are still friends though they are FAKE.

do you know how to find a real friend? it's simple. when somebody is always there when you're in need, especially when you're down, you're broken heart, or even you just want to be alone... when THAT friend is still there, don't be hesitate. he/she is your real friend.

second, if they really-really care about you, they will never let you down or let you walk in the wrong path. they will try as hard as they can to make you realize and they will help you to find a way back. well, maybe sometimes you're too stubborn to realize which path is right, and you would realize when you already stumble down. and real friends would never leave you though you didn't hear them out, and they will reaching out their hand to help you stand up again.

the fake one, you can meet them anywhere. you don't have to know them for a long time to know how fake they are, you will know at the very first time you met. their attitude just makes you feel so SICK, and you feel that you just don't fit-in with them. they act good to you just to make you see how FAKE they are actually. or even, the fake one could be the one you called friend this long.

well, I really don't know what happened to me tonight so I could feel this such terrible emotions... I just felt so angry, and instead of uttering mu emotions to wrong person, I feel it'll be better I just write down my anger here. at least... it reduce my anger a lot. I don't even know what things I should be angry about.

I just wanna say thanks to somebody, my really-really best friend who always be there when I'm in need, always tell me which one is wrong or right, and always reaching out her hand to help me when I stumbled down and getting hurt. she always be there to support me, encourage me, and pray for me. she's the best thing I ever had in my life, she's the meaning of best friend I've been searching this long.

God, bless her and her entire family abundantly :)

worship through dancing :)

i'm soooooooo happy today ! this is the first day after a month I could say, "I just had a nice day."

hari ini dimulai dengaaaan... well, sebenernya tadi pagi cukup memalukan sih. aku bangun kesiangan, mandi cepet-cepet, siap-siap ala kadarnya, berangkat kuliah ngebut dengan bensin yang napasnya udah senin-kamis... ternyata sampai kampus, jreng! saya baru ingat kalau nggak ada kuliah agama hari itu.

yaaahh... bukan salah siapa-siapa sih, salahku sendiri hhe...

but this day's quite nice, actually. I met my sister, talked a lot about a lot of things hho, then I met my CLOUD yay ! :D he's soooo cute today, and when I was walking in front of him, he suddenly turned his head into me and SMILED ! :) aku bales senyumnya sambil nyapa-nyapa nervous gitu. huahahahahaha. berasa jadi anak SMA yang lagi suka ama kakak kelasnya :)

trus malemnya, aku dateng ke gereja buat latihan tambourine :) Tuhaaaaan, betapa senangnya aku bisa nari, loncat-loncat buat Engkau lagi ! mungkin memang ini panggilan Tuhan buat aku :) entah kenapa, sebesar apapun masalahku, saat aku nari semuanya hilang begitu sajaaa... :) makanya, I just can't wait for Christmas ! aku mau nari dengan sepenuh hati buat Dia, ya, hanya buat Dia saja !

I know that I'll be fine someday, Dad. And I'll be finer coz I'll always find You in every road that I go. thanks for always be there for me... I'm sorry for leaving You this long, I'm sorry for disappointing You... and thanks, for forgiving me ONCE again...

I love You Jesus . take a good care of my mom, my dad, family and all my best friends :)

this heart is closed for a while :)

mungkin banyak orang yang nggak setuju ama keputusanku. mereka bilang, aku baru dilukai seperti ini aja, aku udah menutup hatiku dari yang lain. ha. they don't understand my heart at all. lagian yang punya hati itu siapa?

I just want to take a rest. My heart's been hurt too many times, it's been abandoned too many times... mungkin mereka nggak mengerti karena mereka nggak ikut merasakan. tapi saat aku udah ngambil satu keputusan yang menurutku terbaik, please jangan protes. aku capek...

aku capek ditinggalkan. aku capek dipermainkan. aku capek sama yang namanya patah hati. aku tahu itu resikoku saat suka sama seseorang, tapi udahlah... aku bosen ngerasain ini terus selama dua tahun ini. aku pengen bahagia juga. kadang aku tanya sama Tuhan, kenapa aku nggak punya kisah kayak anak remaja lainnya? yang normal? yang suka ama seseorang yang juga suka dia, atau kalau aku nggak diijinkan untuk itu, seenggaknya aku bisa happy tanpa suka ama satu orang pun.

well, it's life and it's love ... you can't take one of them without hurt. kebahagiaan nggak akan terasa tanpa kesedihan, iya kan?

he has made my life miserable. they have made my life miserable.

okay, okay, I know someone, somewhere outside there has a bigger problem than I. aku juga punya banyak masalah yang udah berpotensi bikin aku stress tanpa ditambah masalah ini. aku pengen fokus ke hal lain yang nggak melibatkan aku, aku pengen berhenti jadi manusia egois!

aku cuma pengen mikirin gimana caranya bikin mamaku bahagia, aku cuma pengen mikirin gimana caranya kuliahku bisa dapet nilai yang bagus. aku pengen mikirin caranya aku bisa berguna buat sahabat-sahabatku, aku pengen mikirin gimana caranya aku keluar dari pergaulanku yang ngerubah aku jadi jelek seperti sekarang. aku pengen berhenti ngelakuin hal-hal yang ngerugiin aku sendiri. and over all, I just want to find a way back into Him. I miss Him sooooo much, it's been a while since I talked to Him, since I praised and worship Him with all my heart... I just want to give all my life to Him.

aku nggak mau mikirin yang lain lagi. diluar hal yang diatas, udah nggak penting lagi buat aku.

my heart's all Yours now. cuma Dia, Yesusku, yang bisa jaga hati ini biar nggak pecah lagi. Cuma Dia yang tau se-fragile apa hatiku sekarang dan cuma Dia yang bisa megang erat-erat dengan satu keyakinan: He will never let my heart being shattered again. cuma di dalam Dia, aku dapat kekuatan untuk bertahan.

aku nggak akan berubah... yang berubah hanya prioritasku :)

another year has gone by ... again .

So many 25th of December

Just as many 4th of July

And we're still holding it together

It only comes down to you and I ... 

it's been two years since I fell in love with you . and really, until now, whether I'm with anybody else or not, I still could fall in love with you everyday .

do you remember our song ? :)

I know that you can still remember

Things we said right from the start

When we said that this could be special

I'm keeping those words deep down in my heart ...

aku masih ingat semuanya . 15 November 2008, was the sweetest birthday I've ever got, because as always, nobody remembered my birth date and when I felt so upset, you called me, said those wish words and then we talked a lot ... u made me fall in love with you just in an hour, maybe .

Another year has gone by ...

And I'm still the one by your side,

After every thing that's gone by ...

There's still no one saying goodbye

Though another year has gone by ...

bulan-bulan berikutnya terasa seperti surga :) kau ajarkan aku bahagia, kau ajarkan aku mencinta, kau ajarkan aku indah ... memberiku pembuktian bahwa pangeran berkuda putih itu masih ada . memberiku pembuktian bahwa kamulah satu-satunya yang aku ingini, di sekarang dan di nantiku ...

I've never been much on occasion

But you never let a birthday go by ...

Without announcing how much you love me

But the truth was always there, right there in your eyes ...

Tapi ternyata .. memang nggak akan ada kebahagiaan tanpa kesedihan . saat semuanya kurasa begitu indah, tanggal 3 November 2009 kau musnahkan semua mimpiku . kau tinggalkan aku setelah kau katakan, "maaf, aku hanya bisa ajarkanmu bahagia, tapi aku nggak bisa memberikannya..."

And we're still holding hands when we're walking

Acting like we've only just met

But how could that be, when there's so much history

I guess that's how true lovers can get ...

well .. sekarang kita berjalan di jalan kita masing-masing . ini hidupku, dan ini hidupmu . aku jatuh cinta, kamu juga . mungkin semua cerita yang pernah kita ukir bersama sudah kamu lupakan; all those stories, all those dial calls at 2 AM, all the messages you ever text to me .. tapi semuanya itu masih terpatri di hatiku, masih terlukis jelas di kepalaku, dan semuanya nggak akan menghilangkan keyakinanku .. kalau kau untukku dan aku untukmu :)

Another year has gone by ...

And I'm still the one by your side,

After every thing that's gone by ...

There's still no one saying goodbye

Though another year has gone by ...

Tahun depan aku akan kehilanganmu . Tahun depan adalah tahun yang berbeda, dimana kamu sudah nggak ada disini lagi .. aku tahu jarak kita cuma dua jam nantinya, tapi tetap saja apa artinya jika kamu nggak disini ... :'(  Mungkin akan ada yang lain di hatimu dan di hatiku, tapi percaya, fate has brought us together .

kamu yang kembali atau aku yang menyusulmu, entahlah . tapi entah kenapa aku yakin, kita pasti bersama nantinya ... :)

I'll be missing you, my Sky ... take care there .

Sarangheyo :)